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Anonymous asked: how often do you have sex?



How often is your dad “working late”?





okay, storytime. At a group sleepover, there’s this girl, the most innocent thing you’ve ever met, k? She nods off on the couch early on in the night. As everyone’s getting ready to play cards, one of my friends lean back and hears her mumbling in her sleep.

My friend motions for everyone to be quiet. The girl snuggles her blanket, smiles, and in the sweetest voice, says, “Go on, Brandon. You can jump. It’s only 30 stories.”

My boyfriend sometimes talks in his sleep. One of my favourites so far was when he rolled over early one morning and says to me, very seriously and matter-of-fact,
"Don’t turn him into an alcoholic."
"The tiny monkey. Don’t turn him into an alcoholic."

(Source: best-of-memes, via warped-weirdo)


this will never let me down

(Source: vinebox, via sudden-death-in-coraline)

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